Humming Towards Insanity

There are four types of individuals.

1. Those who whistle

2. Those who hum

3. Those who whistle and hum

4. Those who so desperately want to go homicidal on 1, 2, and 3.


As you might have already guessed, I am in the number four category.

I am a devout magazine junkie, and the place I prefer to do business at is the magazine store in my neighborhood, which I stop in sometimes on my way home from work. Now, I've gotten much way better at managing my addiction, and I mostly browse whilst the young cute Middle-Eastern guy behind the counter flirts with me. Personally, I think it's a ploy on his part to get me to buy more, but since I'm forced to take it one day at a time with my habit, I just go along with the niceties.

The other day, whilst browsing, there he was – like a villainous superhero - The Hummer. This wasn’t your ordinary variety of offender. Like the ones who are humming away melodically on a happy, snappy tune. No, this was the worst of the lot. The down and dirty type. He was in the hum-a-few-bars-slow-and-randomly-way category of delinquent. And in a very low baritone voice I might add.

STOP HUMMING!!

Now, with the ones who hum away sing-songy like, you can just adjust your brain to tune them out. Make them background noise. With the type I faced the other day; you can’t really tell when the next verse is going to assault your eardrums. So you begin that long road to craziness trying to figure out when they will strike next. You even begin to think you are hearing them. And being in a store with roughly the square footage of my shoebox apartment, I couldn't get away from him.

I got so uncomfortable I just walked out. Yeah, just like that. Plus, he was real tall like and imposing, so I didn't have the courage to yell at him. To those who know about my magazine obsession, this was certainly no small feat.