April Shelter Duty

Last night was my turn for shelter duty this month. Again, I was alone this time, which was perfectly alright with me. Sometimes, I prefer it this way. The night went off without a hitch, with the exception of a guest who talked really loud in his sleep. I woke him to give warning, although I realize the idea of that is quite absurd. How do you curtail what you do in your sleep? I did it mainly to appease another guest who was near him, and who wouldn't calm down until I did something about his ramblings. It ended up working, and we were fine throughout the night. I actually got some sleep. Anyway, when our guests first arrived, my stomach dropped.

It was the return of *Jane.

I came in contact with Jane early last year. It was my first, and what I had hoped would be my last time. The night she arrived, everything was fine, save for a disruptive guest who was a bit of a bother all night. He woke up before the 6am wake up call being noisy and disruptive. Jane had much issue with this guest's actions. She went on and on complaining about him, mumbling and speaking in non-sequiturs. I spoke with the other guest, explaining the rules of behavior before wake up call, and everything was fine, except that Jane insisted on complaining. I gently explained to her that now she was being the disruptive one. After wake up call, she approached me, still angry that I had scolded her and defiant. I explained my position, but soon found out it was to be of no use. Viewing her behavior, it became quite clear what I was dealing with - schizophrenia.

Jane wouldn't let up, and proceeded to follow me around the shelter admonishing me. Finally, after much confrontation, I asked for her name. Because she wouldn't supply that information, I decided to best her and do roll call again; weeding out the names until I zeroed in on hers. In that short span of time, Jane managed to write up a five page manifesto on mini notepad paper, of why she was being "oppressed". Words such as "Jews", "Nazis", and "resistance fighters" peppered the pages. That is when I was truly aware that I had a live one here. After much back and forth, Jane finally pointed at me and exclaimed, "YOU, ARE A NAZI!!" After that remark, what could I do? I threw my hands up, walked away, and in a sing-songy "whatever" voice said, "Okay, so I'm a Nazi!"

We were so relieved when the bus to pick up our guests finally arrived. Doesn't it always seem like forever when things are going pear-shaped?

And my shelter partner that night. Where exactly was she during all of this hullabaloo? In hiding folks. Now you know why I don't mind being alone.

A few months after this chaotic meeting, my friend and I were walking in my neighborhood, and to my surprise, we passed by Jane. She looked terrible. Judging by the look of her, you could tell that she was out of shelter system and onto the streets. There is a definitive look about someone who is on the street and knows how to handle that brutal life, and someone who doesn't. Jane was the latter.

Well, last night and this morning, Jane was her usual cranky self, but without the outbursts. My guess is that she got back on her meds. Even her appearance was different. Plus, she was more talkative with the other guests. She even approached me about a problem with the ladies' bathroom. I tensed up a bit knowing that whatever my response was could make or break her behavior. Thankfully, it was fine.

I was glad to see her go, but it left mixed feelings inside of me. Why would the pickup station put her on the bus when they were told that she was banned? Perhaps it was the passage of time that made them forget. But still. While my gut says I don't want her there anymore, my rational mind says that it's necessary to understand the plight of mentally disabled persons. Last night, things went off without a hitch. But that was only one night. Not to mention that I was on my toes all night about her presence there and that keeps me from doing my job properly. Who can predict that Jane won't ever act up again? My fear is that she will start up on someone else, someone who is new at shelter duty. What if it's worse and Jane hurts someone? I made the decision. I went with my gut. I am going to voice my concerns to the shelter coordinator and have her banned again. In the long run, it's for the best.

I simply must put my safety first.

*Names changed to protect the insane.