Pushing Issue

Tonight, while shopping at the Brooklyn Target store (and for once grabbing a cart with normal working wheels), I got into a shouting match with some big fat bitch (hereby called BFB). Oh, did I mention she was ugly too? Apparently, I ran over her foot. I really don't know how I could have run over those great big giant pontoons of hers, seeing that it was so damn hard to miss them. Especially since her fat ass sneakers were so damn white, like over bleached game show host teeth.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that I get a bit anxious when shopping at big department stores. I'm all cloistered there in downtown Manhattan where mom and pop stores abound. So, getting inside a store like Target opens the flood gates of my heart, but ceases to allow my brain to function properly. While trying to round a corner into the soda aisle, her cart was in the way. I stopped, waited, and saw her roll her eyes and give me a snotty "Mmmm, mmmm" kind of look. I figured I would inch my way around her, with no such luck. Finally, I waited for an in and went with it. First, a look of disgust, then a shaking of the head. Finally, as I was already rolling my cart down the aisle, BFB mustered the courage to push issue with yours truly.

"You didn't see my foot there!?" BFB called out to me.

"No. I. Didn't", I replied firmly. My mouth was sealed with a confident smirk, but my heart was beating a mile a minute over the possible outcome of this angry exchange.

"You thought you could just run me over, didn't you!?" Her stance was in a position which indicated to me that she was about to do a sassy and overly gestured zig-zagging three-snaps-up with her fingers.

BFB truly believed in her heart of hearts that her large-and-in-charge presence combined with her loud voice would turn me into some shrinking violet. It didn't. In fact, it only gave me the confidence to be loud in return.

"I didn't run over your foot!!" I called back to her. BFB was now staring at me as if I were going to tremble in her presence. I repeated myself, "I didn't run over your foot!!" Then, I did the most bold thing possible. I guffawed and strolled away with my head high.

BFB trudged off muttering sweet nothings to herself. I, full of satisfaction from my victory, had immediate thoughts of evilness run throughout my brain. I had it in mind to approach her at the checkout and stomp on her foot all while shouting "I didn't run over your foot!!"

Revenge fantasies are sweet. But on some occasions, only in your mind.