Battle Royale

On my way home from work today, I got into a verbal confrontation with a disgruntled middle aged man. Oh, he was ugly too.

When I walk the city streets home, I tend to keep to the sides because I'm frequently lost in thought and I don't want to bump into people. I am however, aware of my surroundings. In this case, the sidewalks weren't busy, so there was ample space for this jerk to walk by me unfettered. This was not to be the case. In a matter of seconds I felt the sharp jab of a shoulder bag in my gut. Le Jerkoff immediately got defensive with me even before I exclaimed, "WHAT THE FUCK!?" My brain quickly determined that either he meant to slam into me, or he assumed that he didn't have to move for anyone. After I yelled at him, he turned to me and called me a million names, not one of them good. I walked towards him shouting back insults. I was quite the surprised one when he decided to walk back in my direction and have a go at me. A shouting match ensued, and after putting up with his string of crazy non sequiturs (“Oh, is that your favorite body part!?”), I arrived at the conclusion that he must have been a card carrying member of the He-Man Woman Haters Club.

Luckily, I quickly assessed the situation and remembered that I had pepper spray on my person. I think he got it into his thick skull that going after a woman in the middle of Midtown, who was also reaching in her handbag for something, was not the greatest idea in the whole wide world. In his final coup de main, before walking away for good, he shouted, "GO VOTE FOR HILLARY CLINTON!!"

Okay. I'm getting verbal abuse and savvy political advice. I wonder if this guy hires himself out for consulting jobs too. I had to laugh, I mean what was I supposed to do after that comment? Can you imagine if I stopped, turned to him, and gently explained -

"Actually sir, I'm more of a conservative Democrat myself. I'm personally opposed to abortion, but I firmly believe in a woman's right to choose. I'm an advocate of personal responsibility, but feel that the government should provide a solid safety net for the marginalized members of society, or those who might find themselves in a financially unstable position".

Imagine that scenario folks!

After calming myself down, I got the distinct feeling that he was a short old loser, mad at what the world dished out to his pathetic self. My guess is either his wife left his sorry ass, or he was currently married to some useless hag. Whatever it was, he needed to get some.

Why be angry at me? I can't help it if I'm cute and happened to be having a good hair day!